|About the Book|
In my mind I have always been ugly. Even when I look back at old childhood photos and realize that I was kind of cute at times, I never felt that way. Somehow it was branded on my soul that everyone else was prettier than me, and thereby, I somehow concluded, inherently superior. I don’t know why I felt that way - only that I did.It didn’t help that those anguishing suspicions about my hideousness found justification in the form of my personal tormentors. In other words, there has been a long string of people in my life that have reinforced my self-perceived disgustingness. On the other hand, despite their efforts in reminding me of my inherent inferiority, my repulsiveness was already and inexplicably a permanent part of my core essence. In other words, while it may have made them feel better over the years to remind me of their innate superiority, they were wasting their time – I already knew it. The question to me was never why people were born superior, it was how could I level life’s playing field?Those feelings of worth most people are apparently born with have always been foreign to me. I am ironically likewise cursed,however, with the desire to be perceived as at least adequate in the “looks” department – particularly in regards to females. I always yearned to be a part of the social dynamic, despite my limitations, and eventually concluded that some level of high achievement – by any means - could blind people to my hideousness.Throughout my life, though suffering from temporary bouts of self-pity inherent to those born with my “looks”, I eventually came to embrace the bizarre way my insecurities manifested into the strange, unique path my life has taken. My feelings of worthlessness, ironically, have provided the means for my life having purpose and value. I now embrace the quirky, if not downright weird, path my life took. Only in retrospect, and reflection, am I now aware of how my self-perceived repulsiveness transformed my journey from average and boring to at least different.My life has become the stuff of legends - legendarily lame that is - in the minds of most anyway. For those of you who see “lam-o” in my actions, I offer you redemption. In exchange for you reading about me, I gift you the personally redemptive power of joyful exuberance in knowing that you didn’t live my life!In somewhat chronological order, after first describing the seminal events leading to this book, the memories forming the mangled mosaic of my deranged thoughts and deeds will be recounted. From the perspective of a mind operating amidst a thick cloud of profound insecurity and pathos, I offer you the re-telling of a life inspired by the power of “ugly”.